Needing to be 'Accept' ed...

Now that the weekend of training is complete (more on that tonight maybe), I have finally got to the stage where I feel I can blog about what happened on Thursday of this week. I have considered whether to write about this as what happened was a very deep, challenging, personal experience for me. On the one hand I really don't want to share it with the world (if you know what I mean) but on the other hand I feel, if I am going to be true to giving you a full picture of what we are experiencing here, I need to at least try......

You may recall we go to the 'Accept' orphanage each Thursday and have got to know the kids there fairly well. Great kids. Wonderful place. This Thursday we went and Rob came with us. A normal visit in many ways - playing games and other stuff. Half way through the visit one of the older girls who can speak some English came to me and said 'Uncle (that's what they call the adults), come and see here and pray......'.

She led me to a room next door to the rooms where the kids stay and knocked on the door. There were 3 boys and a guy aged about 40. The man very humbly welcomed me in and asked if I would pray for the boys. I said yes and asked what I could pray for - I wasn't sure what was going on if I am honest. I was totally in the dark. He then explained......

The boys and their family lived in a village just outside Bangalore and their Dad had got infected with HIV and passed that on to wife and kids too. A week ago, after developing full blown aids, the Dad had suddenly died and as a result, the village had found out that he and the family all had HIV too. As a response the village elders had kicked the Mum and 3 kids out of the village. The family had slept on the streets for a few days and then had been picked up by an NGO (Charity) in Bangalore and had been referred to Accept. That's bad enough eh?

The family arrived on the Wednesday night at Accept and the night they arrived (the day before we came) the Mum died too (of TB).

Here, in this room, was (what turned out to be) an uncle who had been tracked down by Accept with the 3 young boys (ages 12,9,6) in a small room. The boys were clearly scared and were crying. The uncle just kept holding my arm saying 'what do I do?'.

This whole event just hit me like a train. Not only was this situation awful enough on it's own but, for me, it seemed, in some strange way, to represent and be a catilyst for many other similar scenarios I had seen like this over recent weeks. It was just all too much for me to take in.

I did pray (although feeling very confused about why and for what) and left the room after trying to comfort in the best way I could. Stupid to even think I can offer anything like that really. It was just all too much and I had to just go and find space and sob my heart out.

After some time I went to Sarah and told her as I couldn't bear the pain of this moment any more. Seriously, I felt I could have physically collapsed under (what felt like) the weight of pain I felt I was carrying for those kids. At the same time I was very angry with myself that I was caught up in my own pain which didn't even scratch the surface of this dear families pain.

I felt anger, compassion, guilt and a very heavy sense of pain in my heart. If that's how I feel, can you get a glimpse of what those poor kids are experiencing in their lives. God where are you in all of this??

I'm giving up on try to explain this. Words cannot explain this day and this event. I can't get those kids out of my mind. Their faces haunted me all that night and have done ever since......

The only consolation (and I mean the only one) is that they are now at Accept - a beautiful haven of care and peace for these kids.

We left just at the minute the kids tentatively came out of the room and met and played with the other 30 or so kids that live at Accept.

Just another day in India eh......??